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moving day approaches...   
11:37pm 27/04/2010
mood: awake
soooo moving day is drawing near and its becoming more pressing to get some packing done... i have way too many clothing items and the number keeps growing.

i should go to sleep but i'd much rather style myself like kat von d and take pictures haha. weird but a serious desire of mine. its too late to take nyquil and not feel like crap so i guess i'm in it for the long haul.

i have a shitload of art pieces i want to do but i can't get myself to sit down and do them because my thoughts are too scattered and i keep pretending i'm gonna go to bed early and then i end up doing meaningless bullshit until 1 in the morning or beyond. what to do?

i can't wait to go back home... i'm looking forward to being able to go to the beach and just have some real, serious free time. here i have free time but its consumed by friends and trying to stay in touch with all the people back in pc which is ridiculously more time consuming then one would think. now i won't have many friends to tend to (which sadly i am looking forward to, not that i don't love my people here) AND i won't have to worry about the pc people because they'll be right there.

anyway, pros and cons... but i am happy with my decision overall.

i think i am gonna stop drinking for a while. its just not, i dunno, worthy of my precious time?


11:15pm 25/04/2010
  i'm so tired but i can never sleep lately.
i can't wait to get out of this fucking place.
no one is reliable enough for my needs and i don't really know whose fault that is.
i wasted a lot of time today but i don't care.
i need a change of scenery and i need my mom.
i feel like i'm giving up a little, and going back to a place i said i hated and never wanted to end up.
i just want to be happy for longer than 30 minutes at a time.
i don't want to cry anymore.
i want to be strong.

i need to be true to myself.
i need to make healthy decisions.
that is my mission.


Wow, it's been a while   
12:59am 19/10/2006
mood: sore
So I know no one looks at these anymore, which is precisely part of the reason why I plan to use it once again. A documentation of the college years that can remain somewhat confidential.

So here we go...

(6 Wooed | Swoon)

09:19pm 28/04/2005
mood: amused
I've come up with two excellent slogans for Livejournal.

Revolutionizing gossip.


and doesn't the Palm Coast scene just snort it right up like "cocaine off of a large black woman's breasts."

You gotta love it, or you gotta get out. It's just that simple.

(4 Wooed | Swoon)

I haven't updated in fo-eva   
04:52am 25/03/2005
mood: Feverish
I'm in Mr. Pig's class and we have a sub. I have a fever and am kinda trippin' out because of it. Hopefully I'll pass out cause I've always wanted to do that one time. I have to stay at least through 3rd period for my calculus test which really sucks dong. Anyway, maybe I'll start updating again, I dunno, maybe.

Bye, have a nice spring break everyone.

(3 Wooed | Swoon)

08:11pm 28/08/2004
  Just thought I'd update so this thing doesn't get deleted. I kinda have internet maybe, sorta.

Anyway, been busy, life's life. Keep on truckin' errrybody.

(1 Wooed | Swoon)

06:21pm 26/06/2004
mood: expectant

I got my license, that's fun. Had a couple of interesting driving experiences so far.

I'm parting my hair differently these days, so yeah, that's pretty exciting. Yup.

I envy the Olsen twins and their $300 Billion net worth. (and eating disorders)

Tonight I should definitely have plans, so although the rest of the day has been kinda boring, it's all skrate.

(3 Wooed | Swoon)

07:31pm 22/06/2004
  Oh geez.

I'm bored.

(4 Wooed | Swoon)

04:24pm 20/06/2004
  Well, some of you have probably noticed that I haven't updated in a few years. My computer at my dad's is on the fritz again and won't allow me on any websites. Who knows, maybe by now it's fixed itself. Anyway, I did the whole Driver's Ed thing and I'm done with that now. On Tuesday I'm going to get my license. SCORE! If anyone needs rides and has gas money, I'm the girl to see about that.

Things are okay. My brother is 14 now. I got a new sweatshirt in summer.


Clockwork Orange is a pretty cool movie.

I'll probably be able to update regularly in about a week or so. So yeah.

Have a nice summer.


07:40pm 30/05/2004
mood: I want to...
I went to Michelle's last night and it was fun. Then I chilled with Sean, great as usual. Sorry to StandOFF for missing your show.

I'm bored.

My mom let me and Nate go out by ourselves and joy ride at 3 in the morning last night. "Stay on back-roads." PSSHH! Sometimes I love my little brother. Sometimes he's an annoying little bitch. I would have gotten lost if not for him, thanks.

Today I woke up regretfully at 1. I wish I could have slept in just a little more. I stayed up until 6 cause my mom's friend Terry is down and we were all chillin out. Plus I felt like shit after drinking 7 Mountain Dews. I talked to Tricia when I woke up for a while before her phone died. I showered and then went by myself to get gas and a Sobe. I fucking love driving illegally.

Now I'm back at dad's. I'm blasting Blink and reflecting on whatever.

Get my license within the week...

(1 Wooed | Swoon)

01:37am 28/05/2004
  I have some splainin' to do...

If anyone actually looks at my background, let me tell you how it came to be. My friend Beth and I were discussing my name backwards. For all of you that need a little pictoral, it looks a little like "assile"... tweaked a little, assile becomes ass missile. Using Beth's excellent artistic abilities she drew what is now my background. We call the creation "ASS MISSILE BACKGROUND".

In regard to my new icon, that was all me bitches. Perhaps a little cliche, but I still think it's sweet ass.

Thank you for your time. :D

(4 Wooed | Swoon)

09:29pm 27/05/2004
mood: pessimistic
Alright well I just read about 3 days of missed entries, and I've exhausted myself in doing so.

The past few days I've been painting my room with the help of some friends. Before that I went to Beth's party/get together thing. That was a lot of fun. The night before that I hung with Eryka and Tricia, they are awesome, we should do it again.

So my walls are green and stuff. That's cool. Plus I got this bitchin' lamp. Thanks so much Tricia and Sean for your help. I'm really excited because I think my room looks so much better and cleaner, and "cooler". I might actually want to spend time in there. I am now in the process of redecorating.

Everyone is at the concert I really wish I was at. The Working Title is awesome. At least I've had the privilege of seeing them once in concert already.

So I'm in a shitty, weird mood. I can't wait until Conan comes on for some reason... call me crazy. I need to keep busy.

I'm so confused right now. I'm being torn between sides. Sometimes I really just love being by myself. It's so simple and you don't have to talk or argue... and you can sing, as loud as you fucking want. The only person whose jokes or bitchiness you have to deal with are your own. Sometimes that's hard too. At least it's less tiring though.

Anyway, I'm out. Matt's back :-(. I'm gonna make some hot wings. FUCK YEAH. Haven't eaten at all.

(1 Wooed | Swoon)

01:42pm 23/05/2004
mood: restless
Where is your boy tonight?
I hope he is a gentleman.
Maybe he won't find out what I know...
You were the last good thing about this part of town.

I've been going to the beach a lot lately. I am burnt like whoa and in some pain. Hopefully it's worth it. Yesterday I went to apply in various places in the Palm Harbor Shopping Center with Tricia. I applied at Eckerds, Publix, and The Meeting Place. Soon I am going to paint the entire exterior of my house, my room, and my bathroom. I'm getting paid around $400, hopefully a little more... I might not need a job, but it's going to be stretching it a little tight.

I still don't know if I got accepted for Driver's Ed. and I have no idea when I will know, hopefully soon. Anyway, I am trying to get rid of the pink as quickly as possible. I bought some blonde dye, sorta as a back up. I can't use it until the pink is gone though so I have no idea what the point of buying it was. Whatever, whatever.

We're excavating the house for old toys and stuff, and I guess it's going to end in a large garage sale that will hopefully rake in some cash for Nate and I. I have to go clean and stuff now. gah

Thanks to everyone who has been keeping me sane lately. Especially one person, you know who you are.

My brother should be shot, figuratively speaking.

(3 Wooed | Swoon)

School's out for the summmer...   
06:54pm 20/05/2004
mood: lonely
Lets talk about my week...

It went by pretty fast I guess. I can't even remember the first couple days. They were boring and filled with review. On Tuesday I started the precalc final, that went pretty well I guess.

Wednesday I presented my Biology project and stuff. That went pretty well and I think we got a pretty solid A. During Bulldog Break I asked Sean out and we're official (you woman). I finished my precalc the next period. The second part wasn't as easy as the first... :(. After school I went to the beach with Beth, Ana, Michelle, and Matt. Haasauce came there a little bit later. Before the beach we played so b-ball. HA HA HA HA HA, I suck tremendously. Anyway, I got burnt, but it looks so much better than pale-ness so I hope I don't peal.

Thursday, today, I took my Phelan vocab unit test and it was super easy. She took it straight from the book, and I almost remember her saying she wasn't going to... but whatever, it was quite alright with me. I got the term paper back. 85 on the paper, 96 on the bibliography. S'all good. During 4th Rinker said we could just leave school, so Jesse, Tricia, and I went to WINN*DIXIE for a bit to kill time. I purchased 3 A&W Root Beer candies, ate one gave the others to Tricia and Sean. I also got Sean a post card with a really skimpily dressed fat woman. Buying that was more embarrassing then anyone might be able to comprehend. We stopped in Subway for cookies and then headed back to school. For the rest of the period we watched Pirates of the Caribbean. Then I headed out to the parking lot and ran into Justin first, then Sean, then Mike. Sean dropped them off after first running into Tricia and Beth at the gas station, what a small world. Then we came to my house to 'chill', and what a mistake that was. We started watching Win a Date with Tad Hamilton, cause I wanted to see it again n' stuff. Then my brother morphed into the gigantic dousche bag that he is. I'm not even going into because I'll just get more pissed off. But basically he takes the "I'm a little brother, need to be annoying" thing a little too seriously. I got no time alone with Sean, and even though he was here I don't know if even he could tell how extremely pissed I am.

I took a nap after he left, not because I was tired really, but just cause I had nothing else to do. Then I woke up at like 6:30 due to a call from Beth and Tricia. Looks like I'm home all night. So if anyone wants to drop in... just show up.

I'm in a shitty mood. Let the boredom begin...

PS> I applied at La Bella Primo(?), I'm not sure what it's really called. Anyway yeah, so I hope they hire me. I'd be working along side Haas, so that'd be fun. Plus I'd be around subs all day, what more could ya ask for?


03:49pm 14/05/2004
mood: frustrated
I'm so fucking sick of being second best.

I'm so fucking sick of sticking on a happy face and pretending like everything around me is perfect.

I'm sick of doing things I don't want to do just because they are probably 'the nice thing' or 'the right thing'.

Thank you for delivering me the slap across the face to make me realize how hey, no one actually likes me.
Thanks to all of those people who have invited me along as a fill in. Thanks to all of you who talk shit. Thank you for backstabbing. Thanks for giving of the pretense that you actually had interest in me. Thanks for discussing plans and then blowing them off. Thanks for putting me on the bottom shelf. Thanks for leading me on. Thanks for shutting down communication. Thanks for treating me like I'm 5. Thanks for judging me. Thanks for being so fucking shallow. Last but far from the least, thanks so fucking much for your hypocrisy.

I realize that many of the faults others have can be just as easily reflected onto me. So no, I know I'm far from perfect and I never said anything more than that.

(4 Wooed | Swoon)

Seeing PINK   
07:50pm 09/05/2004
mood: amused
Here's what I did this weekend:

Friday, hung out with Matt. Ye yuh. I saw Requiem for a Dream which was a really good movie, and then we just chilled. We also found out that in the Exxon they sell random mixes of seashells from Pakistan or something, and starfish. WTF? I thought it was funny as hell. After I dropped him off I went to Steak and Shake to catch the end of the cast party.

Saturday, movies. I chilled all day and then went to WAL*MART to purchase some Mother's Day gifts with my brother, dad, Chris, and Frank. Near the hair dye aisle I ran into none other than Mr. Menendez(!) and Justin. That was cool and weird, ha. I helped Justin pick between intense bleach or regular bleach. I ended up getting my mom a rose, some expensive lotion crap, and a geranium plant (plus a day of beauty--care of myself). After that I ate some pizza and then jumped into a car with Nate, Chris, Frank, and Tricia. They went to see Van Helsing and Tricia and I went to see Mean Girls, but Chris ended up coming with us instead. That was a great movie. It really really reminded me of my crew, you know, minus about 75% of the bitchiness.

Sunday, Mother's Day. I woke up early to watch Payback, which my dad rented a week ago so I could get it in on time. I woke up at like 9:30 after sleeping on and off to the extreme for only 7 hours. I'm pretty lively though, despite that. Anyway, I woke up my mom at like 11:30 and delivered her rose and coffee. Then her, Nate, and Chris (who was still over) went to Blockbuster to return it. I hopped in the shower while they were gone, mmhmmm. When they got back I drove us all to another street in the neighborhood so Chris could drop off some flowers to his mom. Later we went out again to stop at Tricia's. I LOVE DRIVING! Anyway, then I gave my mom a foot massage, a facial, and then highlighted her hair. It was fun. After that I packed up and my dad took me out driving for about an hour or so. It went really well and I didn't screw up at all. I think my dad is starting to relax a little bit with me in the driver's seat. So now I'm back at my dad's.

PS> I did something a little drastic with my hair. I think it looks badass though. In a way, it's going to let me see who's "true blue".

So fuck off if you don't like it. :-D

(6 Wooed | Swoon)

Just a quick update before bed...   
10:56pm 03/05/2004
mood: mellow
Today was okay, all things considered.

A census has been taken, everyone loves Lamb to the Slaughter.

I'm excited about Wednesday being short, and about my mom's house this weekend.

Don't forget to get your mom a present, even if you don't like her all that much, or she makes you floss before going to the dentist.

I went for a walk with Chloe and talked to Sean and Beth a little along the way. It was good. My dad was right, Strawberry Rhubarb Pie is awesome, especially with vanilla ice cream.

I can make a mean hot chocolate, not even out of the packet, if anyone ever wants one.


(2 Wooed | Swoon)

09:14pm 02/05/2004
mood: sick of it
I wish I could put all my "friends" in a bucket, and using a specialized magnet, pull out all the genuine ones.

On another note, I got my hat. I am happy about that.

(7 Wooed | Swoon)

Islands of Adventure! WEE!   
10:25pm 01/05/2004
  Ya-yah. That was fun.

I had a great time hanging out with my buddies Sean, Beth, Rachel, and newly found acquaintance Rebecca. The rides were good as usual, and I got Dippin' Dots. What can beat that?

Anyway, that's all I got right now.


(2 Wooed | Swoon)

You can't control you own life, congratulations.   
10:44pm 29/04/2004
mood: disappointed
Gentlemen all, alas, what shall I say?
My credit now stands on such slippery ground
That one of two bad ways you mus conceit me
Either a coward or a flatterer.

When you make decisions, next time, think about the outcome.
When it is so obvious to you that whatever you are doing will hurt you (or others in some cases), especially if you know this from past experiences, then don't do it.
Sometimes it's hard to practice that much self control, I know, been there done that. I know that usually you want whatever it is to work out, and you trick yourself into thinking that it will. Chances are the situation hasn't changed. Chances are it will just be a repeat of old mistakes. The main difference is, now you know it's a mistake and now you can change that.

I'm sick of them using me, and I'm sick of decisions being made for me.

Now if you'll excuse me, I haven't done any physical activity yet today, and I have a few minutes to kill...